Dear Dad.

Thank you.

Thank you for teaching me all the things I know about life. You guided me in a way that shaped me into a follower of Christ, and that's the greatest gift any father could give to his child. 

You showed me what it means to be a man of God. A man of God is someone who can admit his flaws and mistakes, repent, and be restored. He is someone who can show respect and compassion to anyone. And most importantly, he is willing to follow God to the ends of the earth - no matter the cost.

Thank you for praying for me and blessing me every night. I took those nights for granted. But I now look back and recognize the love of God through you. You showed me how to pray to our Father in heaven. And you reminded me that He provides all things that are necessary - peace, wisdom, guidance, grace, and love.

Thank you for teaching me to be wise in what I do or say. You showed me that we shouldn't act on impulse. Rather, we should be slow to speak and seek God for discernment. As an ambassador of Christ, we are called to be mindful of others and their well-being. We are no longer focused on ourselves. Instead, we are focused on becoming selfless like Christ.

Thank you for providing for me, just as our Father provides for us. You've given me more than I deserve - just as God has blessed me beyond what I deserve. Through this, I know to be grateful for everything that I have. And I know to be content with whatever is received and taken away from me.

There is so much more to say, but I'll leave it at this: you've discipled me into a follower of Christ. And as I grow up, there is no need for you to worry. I can assure you that you have brought me to God. And I have complete confidence in Him, who is the Author and Perfecter of our faith.

Happy Father's Day,

Your Son.

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My Time In LA So Far

I've been in LA for about two full weeks now. And I have to be honest about some things. Living here hasn't been the most glamorous and awesome lifestyle. It can get lonely out here sometimes.

When I came out here, I thought about seeing my friends every day after work. But work life isn't always like that. Sure - sometimes you make plans to meet up with friends during the week. But a lot of the time, people can be busy.

It's definitely not like college where you can go over to your friend's place when you feel like it. And LA makes the situation more difficult. It's hard to get around here. And traffic can play a huge factor into how you schedule and make plans.

So I've been spending a good amount of time by myself at home. Don't get me wrong - I've gotten plugged into a nice church community. But there's something that has been irking me during my time here. It's a feeling of emptiness - maybe loneliness.

As I was praying about this, I think God gave me a hint of what he's trying to teach me. The question He arose in my head was "Can you be completely satisfied in me?"

I'm currently living with my aunt, so I'm not technically by myself. But we both have our own schedules. However, I think God is trying to use my aunt to teach me the lesson in the question. I wrote about the my aunt about a year ago, but let me re-explain.

My aunt never got married. She's around 60. And she is the epitome of a what it means to be a woman of God. To my best understanding, this is her schedule....

She gets up at 4AM, prays until 6-7AM, eats, reads scripture, goes to seminary classes, meets and prays for other members in her church, comes home, eats, reads more supplemental material for scripture, watches the news, and sleeps.

Her entire life is immersed in Christ. She lives, eats, and breathes Christ. She even has papers taped on all her doors saying "SMILE - God loves you". It's such a simple lifestyle. And I wonder if she ever gets tired of it. I never asked her myself, but I think it's safe to say that she never gets tired of it. She's always laughing, encouraging, and serving.

So maybe that's the answer to my question. My aunt is the perfect example to the question "Can you be completely satisfied in God?" And I have the blessing of being able to live with her.

So I have a question for you guys - can you be completely satisfied in Christ? I hope we can all learn that one day. And I hope I can learn my lesson by the end of this summer.

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Philemon

I realized it's been a while since I've posted about my studies on a book of the Bible. And just as a reminder, I have no theological credibility to teach others. But I wanted to share some thoughts in what God has showed me in this short book. With my limited use of resources, I found that this letter is based around the concept of reconciliation. So let me start from the beginning.

I attended a YouTube event on thursday night for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. It was hosted by ISA. I got in - thanks to a friend at Jubilee Project. During my 1 hour commute (it amazes me that it takes 1 hour to travel 20 miles in LA), I listened to a sermon/discussion. It was a discussion between Dr. John M. Perkins and Judah Smith about racism in our world.

As an African American, John Perkins lived through the time period of racial segregation. And he talked about his own struggles in facing physical torture and persecution as a black man. But most importantly he shared his struggle in suppressing his thoughts of hatred against those who persecuted him. During his time of persecution, he prayed to God. Perkins prayed for God to get him out of there, and that he would preach the love of God if he was released. However, that was easier said than done.

When he was released released, Perkins refused to share the love of God with others. He couldn't. There was so much hatred built up within him, and he wanted justice for the persecution he endured. But over time, God began to show that it is not our job to enforce justice. Long story short, Perkins shared about the gravity and weight of evil that drives this whole issue of racism. It is the hatred that Satan creates that causes us to unreasonably discriminate and hate. Isn't it funny how racism has no logical reason for its behavior? I have yet to hear a logical explanation of why we should hate people that are not of our color.

Anyway, I listened to this talk on my way to the ISA event. Once I got there, much of the theme revolved around the topic of Hollywood "whitewashing" the film industry. Guest speakers talked about how asians are being underrepresented and treated unfairly, which may be true. People spoke about how we need to stand up for our right of equal opportunity in film. However, I could feel a tone of hatred and frustration. And I completely understand that we have a "right" to express those feelings. But I don't think that's what God wants us to do. I believe, as a Christian, we can take a different role to encourage a change.

Paul's letter to Philemon is a letter for reconciliation. But the letter isn’t about re-mending the relationship between Paul and Philemon. Instead, Paul is speaking on behalf of Onesimus, who is a former bondservant of Philemon. I say former because Onesimus had run away from Philemon in the middle of his servitude. And just a sidenote: bondservant is not what we think of today. A bondservant was like a mutual/contractual agreement between the “master” and “servant”. It’s like paying off a debt. Both parties agree to a deal to pay off some sort of debt. And it wasn’t the case that the master would take advantage of his bondservant. Sometimes, bondservants would commit their life to serving their master even after their contractual agreement was over because the master had treated his bondservant so well.

But long story short, Onesimus wronged Philemon. And Philemon has a right to be upset. But in this letter, Paul is pleading Philemon to receive Onesimus as a beloved brother in Christ. During his time away from Philemon, Onesimus met Paul and came to know Christ. And the letter is essentially Paul’s plead to Philemon to forgive Onesimus. Paul even goes on to take all responsibility and blame for all the wrong Onesimus has done.

The tone and way Paul addresses Philemon is so gentle, gracious, and loving. And he asks Philemon to allow Onesimus to be reconciled with him.

Obviously, this isn't the same issue as the racism we face today. But I think you can get the point. John Perkins spent his entire talk stressing the importance of God's love. It is only through God's redemptive love that we can experience true reconciliation. And yes, I understand that the issue can't be fixed if one party is unwilling to reconcile.

But overall, I believe that the solution can only be found in Christ. Sure - we can set up rules and provide laws for equal opportunity. But that will not eliminate the deeply rooted hatred of racism. Even with the laws/amendments we have in place, we still experience and see acts of racism. We can't fix this problem on our own.

I hope we can pray for a nation that can be grounded in Christ. Because only then can we reconcile with on another and begin to see that we are all made in the image of God.

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Working In The Shadows

I've been in LA for a week. And it's been a hectic week, to say the least. A lot of my first few days here were spent settling into my living space, becoming familiar with the area, and starting my job. And I wanted to take some time to take a breather and write down some thoughts that have stuck with my throughout the week.

On Monday, I had a chance to meet up with my friend Brian. And he gave me some amazing advice on what to expect and do as a child of God. He took the time to explain what not to do and shared the importance of staying anchored in Christ.

Brian explained it to me like this. Fame can be so tempting. The thought of becoming famous can be so appealing. It can draw you into a mindset of selfishness without you realizing it. And if you're ever in a position of receiving fame, it's important to be anchored and humble in Christ.

Brian serves in the prayer ministry. It's behind the scenes, and he tries to avoid the spotlight. At the same time, he explained that he has brothers and sisters who keep him anchored and humble in Christ. His community keeps him grounded in what truly matters.

And most importantly, he tries not to make his life about film. Although he is a filmmaker, he never forgets the sole purpose of why we are still on this earth as Christians. We are here to share the gospel. He admits not spending every minute thinking of film ideas. Instead, he makes sure to witness to everyone he passes by. God will provide the ideas when the time is right.

You can always try to create an amazing movie. But in the end, people value authenticity the most. And what better way to live an authentic life than to live like Christ and share the Gospel?

I know it's ironic how I'm praising him for his humility. But I had to share with everyone. I'm in awe of all the things Brian had to share with me - even though it was our second time meeting in person. And I can only pray and hope that we all can live authentically for Christ.

"He must increase, but I must decrease" - John 3:30

And if you haven't seen "The Drop Box", then go watch it

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Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
I remember when the three of us (dad) lived in an apartment. I had a few friends around the neighborhood, but you were the only friend that kept me company 24/7. I remember when you always took me to the park when I had no one to play with.

Thank you for that.

I remember when we moved into our first home. I didn't any friends at first - so you took me to the park again. Then I made a few friends and began to play with them. I spent less time with you, and you seemed okay with that. You always said, "As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

But there were a lot of times when my friends weren't available to play. So you gladly took the time to play chess and monopoly with me. And other times, you watched TV with me - even though you probably didn't care about the show.

Thank you for that.

As I grew up, I learned to be more independent. I didn't have to bother you all the time because I had a gameboy and playstation. I'm sure you were relieved. But I still bothered you. I asked you to watch me play and to cheer me on - and you did.

Thank you for that.

Finally, I grew up to the point where I felt fully independent. I felt like I didn't need you or dad to keep me company. I could keep myself entertained through the games I played and the comics I read. We probably talked less and less - like all teenagers do.

You tried to bring up conversations. But I avoided them. Instead of getting frustrated, you calmly told me, "Your dad and I trust that you'll make the right decisions. We'll support you in whatever you do." And you always reiterated the importance of trusting in God and being in constant communication with Him.

Thank you for that.

I didn't think much of any of this until I headed to college. It didn't hit me until I met others in college. Not everyone has had a mother like you. I did nothing to deserve a loving mother like you, who always nags about me eating enough, sleeping enough, growing enough, or praying enough. And I realize that you represent a glimpse of God's grace for me.

Thank you for that.

Please stop worrying about whether I'm eating well - or at least worry less. And don't worry about my future. I'm in God's hands - you taught me that.

Thank you for that.

Your son,
 Justin

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A-Team

As I clicked ENTER and logged off the computer, I realized that this was the last time. This was the last time I would take minutes for an admin meeting. This was the last time we would meet in this room. I said these thoughts out loud during out meeting in a joking manner. But at the same time, I was serious. While it's fresh in my mind, I want to share my thoughts and my advice for the future leaders.

I had a lot of ambition coming into the school year. There were many goals I wanted to accomplish as an admin leader. I was ready to influence a change. But I now realize that I have been influenced more than I influenced others. I, for certain, was not a perfect leader. In fact, I was probably lacking in more areas than I thought.

I came in with an approach to be stern. I thought, "that's the only way things are going to change." But I was proven wrong. Sure - there may have been moments where my methods worked. But there were many more moments where it didn't. I find myself to be a fairly patient person, but my patience was tested at various times. And there were times where I wondered if anyone appreciates anything. But in the end, I look back and see what has happened.

I have been humbled more than I thought I could be (does that mean I was prideful?). And I was taught so much.

Here's all I have to say. 

You can only lead by example - with patience and grace. Don't take things personally. Be patient with others - even though they may not understand. Those moments of sternness can only be applied when others understand that you're doing it out of love.

Jesus is patient with us all the time. Many times, we complain, we fall short, we mumble, and we don't listen. But he never gives up. He continues to love and be patient. And eventually, we turn around and repent.

Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:18

Acts is on a good course. Although I may seem absent, you all have taken the initiative to do amazing things in serving one another. Soli Deo Gloria.

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Vlogging

So many of you probably know - I started vlogging since last Saturday. It's been quite an interesting experience, and I wanted to share some thoughts on it so far. Let's make it simple. I want to talk about what I expected before starting and what I think about it now.

Expectations Before Starting
I like to plan out things. So I've had different shots and time lapses in my head months before I decided to start vlogging. Every so often, I would stop and look at my surroundings and think about how cool this shot would look. But I didn't act upon it.

When I finally made the decision to start vlogging, I felt confident in my ability to capture some cool shots and angles. I also had a format that I wanted to follow - Casey Neistat. This made me feel comfortable and ready to hit the ground running at full speed.

My Thoughts On Vlogging So Far
My expectations were definitely met - for the most part. It's still awkward to have people look at you with a giant camera in hand. Other than that, it's all good. Shooting and editing is so fun. I love it. I love the aspect of having to think creatively in the way I shoot images and the way I present my material. And fortunately, I had a lot of fun things going for me this past weekend. I had originally planned to vlog everyday, but my thoughts have already begun to change.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy vlogging. But I'm still a student, and I have other interests that I want to continue pursuing. For example, I still want to find some time to read my list of books. I want to have time to keep screenwriting. And I realized that vlogging has taken up all of my free time that I used to have.

Should you then seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them. For I will bring disaster on all people, declares the Lord, but wherever you go I will let you escape with your life. - Jeremiah 45:5

These change of thoughts occurred today. As I was praying this morning, I got a weird conviction and feeling of uneasiness. I did my devotional, and it revolved around this question - "Are you seeking great things for yourself? Or are you seeking great things for God?"

At first, I thought to myself "I'm challenging myself to grow and become more knowledgable in film making". I must be doing what God wants me to do because I'm putting myself in uncomfortable situations. I convinced myself that there's nothing wrong.

However, I thought about it again as I watched the vlog I'm supposed to upload for today. Some of things I said were questionable in my own opinion. Is this really what I would say? Or did I just say it for the sake of appealing to a youtube audience?

So here's what I'm trying to say. I've decided to not vlog everyday because I can feel it becoming a bigger priority than my spiritual walk. And that's not a good thing. I want to make sure that I can put God first before trying to vlog everyday.

Of course, I'll still vlog - but probably not on a daily basis. Maybe God wants me to become a vlogger - maybe not. But what I know for sure is that I should never anything hinder me from spending quality time with Him.

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Wake up

The past week has been very, very weird. It sort of felt like a bomb of unpredictable chaos came into my life. Maybe I'm over exaggerating - but that's what I initially thought. All of this began last Wednesday.

First, I receive an email that put my Disney internship in a questionable position. With the new circumstances, I may not graduate on time by taking the internship. At that moment, I felt like the door was closing. I had to make a decision between the two options. And I struggled between two mindsets - either I can trust in God and be content with whatever happens or be upset and blame God/school/etc.

On the same day, I learn that our apartment complex had a chemical gas incident. A student committed suicide. And for some reason, I had the audacity to make some insensitive/blunt comments about the incident. I was more concerned about me not being able to sleep in my apartment that night. So I apologize for those who had to read my comments.

That night, I had a dream about being held at gunpoint in my car. I got shot - well I think I did. All I remember is the gun going off. My ears were ringing. I felt nothing. And I was looking down to see if I got hit. Then I woke up. At this point, I was shaken. I had no idea what was going on. I was in shock and scared all of a sudden. So I did the only thing I was taught by my parents - pray.

I prayed with no words in mind - I just sat there.

Then the words began to form. As I began to talk with God, He showed me that I wasn't awake. I haven't been paying attention to where He's placed me and why I'm here. I've been so focused on getting to the next destination in my own power. And it has hindered me from listening to God and being obedient in my current position.

None of this hit me until last night and this morning. I watched a video that my friend, Young, posted. And now I'm writing this to share God's goodness. I'm thankful that He has been gracious in lightly shaking me awake. He could have completely destroyed my life to make me wake up. But He didn't.

So I want to encourage you all to wake up - if you're asleep.

Oh yeah - and I learned I'll still graduate on time while going to Disney for the summer. But that's not the important thing.

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Blessed Are The Merciful

Yesterday at small group, we discussed the beatitudes. It's also known as the Sermon on the Mount. I'm sure many of you are familiar with it - or at least it sounds familiar. I've heard it plenty of times, but like my leaders said, "it's always good to go back to the basics."

And [Jesus] opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. 

After reading the section, there's an overarching theme. Everything that Jesus says seems to be opposite of how our world runs. Since when has society told us that humility will cause us to inherit everything? All I remember hearing is "if you don't fight for what you want, then you won't become successful." How often do we show mercy to others? We seem to operate on the idea of "an eye for an eye".

I wonder what would happen if our world became like this - right now. What would happen if everyone became selfless, merciful, and peacemaking. It's nearly impossible for my mind to fathom such a thing - which is quite sad. But it excites me because that's what the world will be when Christ returns. No weeping, no pain, no hurt, no war, no brokenness. The list can go on and on.

But that doesn't mean we should sit and wait. We can strive to be like Christ with the power of Christ in us. We can be influencers by going into the world and showing them what could be and will be. We don't have to be on the defensive, trying to avoid the world and it's ideologies. We can be on the offensive by sharing the grace we have received.

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What Do You Fear?

I don't know about you, but I tend to have a lot of irrational fears. More specifically, I have a lot of what if fears. I don't know if that makes sense, but bear with me. I think it'll make sense.

I always have these desires to try something out. It starts to come together in my head, and I really excited about the idea. But all of a sudden, the what if's seep into my mind.

What if this happens? You don't have this ready. What if people think this? You need to have this down first before you can do it. What if it doesn't turn out well? What if it takes too long?

After a little while, the idea gets drowned out by the what ifs. Then I forget it and go back into my daily routine. Is it just me? I can't be the only one that faces this. It's so frustrating sometimes.

But I came to a conclusion. If I never try it, then I'll never know what it could have been. It could fail, or it could turn out just as I thought (or maybe even better). I guess this goes back to the same idea of my previous post of Living Out Boldly.

So for those of you with ideas - go be bold and try it out. However, I have to put a caveat to that statement. Make sure your intention is centered around Christ. Because if you don't, that idea will most likely fail without God's support. But I'm sure many of you reading have the right mindset.

So I want to encourage you (and myself) that the ideas and desires you have can be from God. Pray about it, and don't let the irrational fears stop you from acting upon it. And when you act upon it, don't expect results immediately - nothing happens overnight. Maybe God wants us to be patient and wait upon His timing. Or maybe the idea you had wasn't the right thing. But you'll never know until you try.

I guess I just convinced myself to try something. Maybe this post was for me. Is that selfish? Oh well - sorry.

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A Good Friday = 22

I forgot it was my birthday until Thursday. This can only mean one thing, I'm becoming old(er). I guess it's because nothing exciting happens after you turn 21. You can rent a car at 25, but that's basically all I can think of. So I didn't really do much on the day of my birthday. But there was something else really special about my birthday this year. For the first time, my birthday landed on Good Friday.

Realizing this, I was humbled. Sure it's my birthday, even though I almost forgot. But this day is celebrated for a different reason. It's celebrated as the biggest event that eternally changed the history of mankind.

So I thought of two things. (1) I'm glad to have my birthday on Good Friday because it makes my day twice as special. (2) I'm kind of not glad my birthday is on Good Friday because my birthday is less significant than what Christ did for the world.

Like I said, my day wasn't too special. I ran a few errands, went to Good Friday service, and had a fun night with some of the guys. It was a good, simple day. I greatly appreciated the fact that God didn't allow my day to be crazy with surprises and events. He allowed it to be simple so that I could think about the most important thing of that day.

Yes, it was my birthday. But more importantly, it was the day that the world was given access to eternal life. Every birthday would be meaningless if it weren't for Christ's death on the cross on Good Friday. Why celebrate birthdays if you're celebrating a day closer to eternal death and suffering? But because of what happened on Good Friday, I was (and now) am able to celebrate my birthdays as a day closer to eternal life and everlasting joy.

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Living Out Boldly

A lot of things have come into my life, and it's disrupted the expected trajectory of my life. I think of it as approaching a fork in the road of life -- or having large boulder drop into a still lake. Everything was going smoothly until something appeared out of nowhere. However, this isn't a bad type of disruption. It's a good one.

I'm still in the process of comprehending all that has happened to me within the past year. But I thought I'd write down my thinking process. A year ago, I would have never thought I would enjoy reading or writing. I would have never thought that I would have a craving to tell stories and capture images. I would have never thought that I would meet people who are highly esteemed. I would have never thought that those people would be willing to mentor me. All these things disrupted my expected course in life.

So here I am, trying to process what all of this means. What is God trying to say? What am I supposed to do? What if it doesn't work out? What if. What if. What if...

1) The Bible says not to worry about the future. 
It's a long ways away. Focus on the present moment. Enjoy what you have today. Be thankful in the current circumstance. Even the Lord's prayer tells us that God will provide us our daily bread. Although, it is difficult to fight this mindset when the problems of the real world constantly surround us. It's all about taking "one step, one punch, and one round at a time." Yes, I just quoted Creed. It's a great movie.

2) As Christians, we should be living boldly - not fearfully. 
I spoke with my pastor about my current dilemma. And he mentioned how frustrating it is to see Christians living with doubt/fear/worry. If you are sure in where you are being led, then why fear the unknown? Of course, it's natural to fear the unknown. But we should be bold, knowing that Christ has led us and will lead us for the rest of our days.

Am I certain that I'm being led in this direction? If so, then I should follow it boldly. If not, then I should wait patiently. Maybe I already know the answer. Maybe I'm just looking for others to tell me the answer I already know. I don't know. Yes? Yes. Maybe. No.

I need more prayer. Peace out.

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Just For My Own Record

I want to record a brief summary of how crazy my life has been the past year. This isn't for me to brag about how I accomplished such and such. This more of a testament of how good He is to me, despite my shortcomings. Also, I want to look back on this post one day and see how far I've come.

Summer 2015
I became interested in photography. Learned all the technical basics and began to venture out into this creative world. While learning, I saw an application for the Jubilee Project Fellowship. I applied and didn't think I would get in. I got in, and I still don't know how.

I met a lot of amazing people with awesome gifts/talents. I was introduced to a whole new world of thinking, and it changed the way I now think. And this was all through God.

Fall 2015
I came back to school, craving a way to stay active in this new mindset. I began to write scripts, create videos, and take photos. But I still wondered if this discovery was just a temporary interest or a God-given passion.

But even as I wondered, opportunities continued to come about. I became a photojournalist for Humans of Austin. I helped film a music video for a band. But one event blew my mind. I learned that my accounting program finished developing a summer program in LA for accountants to work within film companies. The program had been in the works for a few years, but it just so happened to be ready at this moment. So of course, I applied.

Winter 2015
I read a lot over break - like a lot. I hate reading, but I began to enjoy it the more I read. This was definitely not my own doing, as funny as that may sound. At the same time, I worked my accounting internship with Ernst and Young. I learned how to learn, and I was challenged in so many different ways - mentally and spiritually. All the while, I wrote scripts in my free time and read a lot of books.

Spring 2016
I finish my internship and hear back from the LA summer program. I receive an internship offer with Disney as a production accountant. I so happened to buy tickets to LA way before any of this. So I visit Walt Disney Studios while seeing friends in LA - who graciously took time out of their day to see me.

I head back to Austin for a church retreat and have an amazing time there (that's another post for another time). I come back from retreat and get a phone call to help make a video for Billboard. I didn't really know what to expect, but I finished it that night. Surprisingly, the people liked the way I made it. And now I'm about to start school.

These are way too many coincidences to be called coincidences. This is God at work in my life. And I have done nothing to deserve this. I'm a broken person, who disobeys God just like everyone else in this world. Throughout this journey, I have worried for no reason. Other times, I had become prideful at the thought of going into the film industry. And yet, He's willing to use me.

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Lesson from the first sixth of 2016

Two months of 2016 have already gone by. What have you guys learned about yourselves? About God? About life? I hope we're all learning in someway - whether it be from school or life experiences. Because to me, time is becoming more and more limited. I feel as if my life is passing by at an accelerating rate. Each year goes by faster than the previous one. And that mentality has benefited me. However, it has also restricted me.

I believe it's important for us to always remember that our time on earth is limited. 80ish years may seem like a long time, and it can be a long time. But I try to always put it in relativity to an eternity. I love how Francis Chan puts this concept with an illustration (I'll link the video below).

This mindset has made me think about investing my time in the most efficient/effective way possible. I'm always challenging myself to be "doing" something. And I end up hating myself when a day has been "wasted".

But here's my problem: I've been so caught up with finding my purpose in God that I lost sight of God himself. I forgot about His commands to serve, rest, and fellowship. So instead of being content in God, I worried about things way into the future.

Someone shared this illustration with me. The life that we walk with God is like driving at night. Our headlights show only what's immediately ahead. But it won't show what's a couple miles ahead. The road may curve later down the road. But why worry about it when you're not even close? Everything in life is unpredictable. Changes happen. Nothing is stable. But He's stable. He's constant. His unchanging love is predictable.

And when you learn to let go, He responds in a crazy way. Sometimes it's immediately. Other times, it may take a while.

But Godliness with contentment is great gain. - 1 Timothy 6:6

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A Letter

Dear Child,

First of all - know that I love you. My love is so deep and wide that it's beyond your comprehension (Eph. 3:18). You are my masterpiece (Eph. 2:10) because I made you in my image (Gen. 1:27). Therefore, I am shaping and molding you so that you can do the good things that I've planned for you to do (Eph. 2:10).

Sometimes your circumstances make it seem as if I've left you all alone. But remember this - I will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut. 31:6). I've guided you since birth and brought you to this moment. How could you possibly think that I would leave you all of a sudden?

During those times of difficulty and confusion, remember that what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Cor. 4:18). You may think it's the end. But child - it's only the beginning. Your life is just a breath (Jas. 4:14). And there is so much more to look forward to in eternity.

Knowing that your life is just a breath, there will be moments when you think that your life is being wasted away. I know that you want to do great things in My Name. But my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts (Isa. 55:9). Don't think that your plans will have a greater impact than my plan. I know what's best for you, and I want what's best for you. So trust in me. Trust in my timing. Trust in my judgement. And I will give you clarity at the right time (Pr. 3:6).

I promise that I will fulfill my purpose in you (1 Thess. 5:24).

Love,

Your Heavenly Father

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The High School Days

Today I had an opportunity to volunteer at a high school as a part of my internship experience at EY. A group of interns and I went to a high school and help kids learn how to develop a business plan for their ideas. And it was pretty amazing seeing these kids starting something like this at such a young age. What these high school freshmen are learning now is what I learned my freshman year of college. But I was more awestruck at their ideas.

Let me first explain one thing. See - these kids aren't "well-off". I could tell even before I arrived at the school. After driving for about 30 minutes past downtown Dallas, the environment changed completely. I could see the houses and buildings progressively worsen as I drove towards the school. In the neighborhood around the school I could see so much disparity. Some houses were completely torn down with the windows boarded up. Other houses were suburban looking and seemed like they didn't fit in with the others. I kid you not, I saw one nice suburban literally touching fences next to a, what seemed to be, crackhouse. I was more surprised when I saw metal detectors stationed at every school door entrance.

One of the teachers explained how many kids don't even believe they have a chance in going to college. It doesn't exist in their minds. They expect to "do what their parents do" after they graduate high school. Many of these kids haven't gone more than 20 to 30 miles from their home. Now here's where I felt beyond amazed at some of these kids. Two girls I met had an idea to make an app to help prevent bullying. My first question was why? "Because I see it almost everyday here at school."

So we begin going through the business plan template - answering all the questions. Many of these questions became difficult to answer because they ask about profitability. What data have you collected that proves your business's profitability? How will you increase profits? What is the buying pattern of your customers?

As we continued the conversation, they didn't think there was a realistic way to make enough money to make this happen. I tried to explain the idea of using ads and whatnot, but it didn't seem to convince them. They said things like: I don't know. I want to do this, BUT I don't know if I can. I'm not sure. I don't know how. I don't think I can. What's the use.

What kid already has self-doubt, self-defeat by the age of 14? I really wish I could have told them about the only one who can give hope. But I couldn't because I was in a "work" setting. I guess the least (and most) I can do is pray for kids like these.

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Because I'm Happy?

Do ever get those moments when you feel happy after hearing some news? 

Like, nothing about your day has changed. Your schedule hasn't changed. But you feel happy/excited about something that will happen in the near future. Why? Don't you find that kind of weird? How does it make sense that you feel better when nothing about the present moment has changed? The only thing that has changed is what you've become aware of.

For example, it's a normal work/school day. You wake up, go to class/work, come home, have some free time, and go to sleep. But by making plans for the weekend, you all of a sudden become happy and excited. You treat people more nicely. You feel more talkative and positive about your day.

I don't know about you, but I experience this a lot. Just recently, I got some news back about a potential opportunity in the summer (I'll share it later when I get the final word). My day instantly became better. Work was enjoyable - even though my tasks didn't change at all. I felt good throughout the day. But my schedule was the exact same as the day before. How does that even happen?

I think you get my point. And I think it's safe to say that when we learn or become aware of good news, we become uplifted/motivated/determined/happy/etc. Our present moment becomes better because we have come to realization that there is something to look forward to. Then let me ask you this - and I'm asking myself the same question. Shouldn't this be like the gospel?

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2

If we know that there will be some awesome things to come, then shouldn't we feel happy about our present circumstance? Even though the situation hasn't changed, shouldn't we feel this uplifting spirit when we hear/acknowledge/realize the good news? Our present moment doesn't seem so difficult when you think about the near future. We begin to treat our circumstances and the people around us with a positive outlook. And some may ask, "Why are you so different today? Nothing at school/work has changed. What's gotten into you?" Then you have an opportunity to explain the truth that has been revealed to you.

Disclaimer: I'm still challenging myself as I write this post. Don't think I have it all together because I don't. But I hope this'll change your outlook on things!

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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I'm Makin' Paper

For those of you who didn't know, I'm working at an accounting firm as an intern. I'll be done at the end of this month - then I'll be back to school for one more year. And let me tell you, work is exactly what older people say it is. For example, I never understood why anyone would be too tired to do anything after work. You sit at a desk for 8 hours, then you go home. You have so much free time to do anything because you don't have any tests/hw to do after 5PM. False.

You sit at a desk for 8 hours and your body melts as your brain melts with it. Then you get some coffee or food to revitalize you to keep working. On the way home, you sit in traffic which makes you more exhausted. By the time you get home, you need to take a mental break by laying on the couch. After that, you need to cook/eat dinner. Then you can do what you want - unless you get another food coma from dinner.

But I'm getting off topic. I've been thinking about the role of money in my life and how it should play in my life. And basically it came down to this: there's nothing inherently wrong with money. HOWEVER, it can tempt you in so many ways that will lead you down the wrong path.

"I don't mean it's sinful to make a lot of money. I think it's sinful to want to KEEP a lot of money." - John Piper

I've been blessed with a well-paying internship. But as John Piper says in the video below, it can almost be a curse. It's not a curse in the sense of money being evil. But it can be curse in how money can tempt you in so many wrong ways. I mean, the Bible says...

And Jesus said to His disciples, "Truly I say to you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." - Matthew 19:23-24

So I've been trying to remind myself that money is temporary. To be wise with it, but not to hoard it selfishly to the point where it controls my life/behavior. I try to think about how Christ lived humbly and simply. And I want to do the same. I hope we all can be careful and wise about how we guard ourselves from the temptations of excess comfort and security in wealth.

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Book List as of Feb 2016

Books that I've finished with a short thought on each book:

Crazy Love - Francis Chan
Francis Chan is one of the most sincere, passionate pastors I've ever seen. His book is consistent with how he lives his life. His perspective of God expands and renews your mind in so many ways. Definite recommendation for any believer out there.

Jesus Is - Judah Smith
Judah Smith is one of my favorite pastors out there right now. He speaks very charismatically, but he also can explain the bible in a way that is clear and modern. In my opinion, he doesn't compromise the truth of the gospel to communicate with today's society. Instead, he makes it relatable to where we can comprehend and grasp the love of Christ.

Life Is - Judah Smith
Same note as above.

Jesus > Religion - Jefferson Bethke
If you've never heard of Jefferson Bethke, he's on youtube. He gave a spoken word that stirred up so much controversy on youtube - and he wrote a book about it. I enjoyed reading his book because it provided a modern context of how Christ would have lived in our society today. It's something that was enlightening to me at my point in life, which was around my freshman year of college.

Radical - David Platt
This is something that will convict any believer. It made me rethink about the church in the modern world and how it behaves and interacts with society.

The Blind Side - Michael Lewis
Interesting way to tell a true, inspiring story while integrating the history of American football into it. If you're not really into reading about sports, then I'd stick to watching the movie.

The Artisan Soul - Erwin Raphael McManus
Really cool perspective on how God designed us all to be an extension of Him as artists. Some points were pretty unique. I wouldn't necessarily say that every point is biblical. It's a unique testimony to how God has worked in this man's life. Shoutout to Joseph Hur for the recommendation.

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
I loved this book. It spoke to me in a lot of ways - especially at this point in my life. Although it's not a book centered on Christ, I could point out references of how true Christ could be in the story. Highly recommend this to anyone who hasn't read it yet. Shoutout to Jason Lee for the recommendation.

The Magician's Nephew - C.S. Lewis
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
The Horse and His Boy - C.S. Lewis
I'll put all three of these in one group. Although this is more of a "children's book", reading it at an older age is still refreshing. You begin to see all the references of Christ and parts of bible that C.S. Lewis makes in his fantasy stories. Thanks to my cousin Donald Choi for buying the entire series for me. Sorry, that I'm just now reading them 5 years later.

Liar's Poker - Michael Lewis
This was a bit harder to read. If you're not a business person, or aren't interested in reading about investment banking, then I'd skip this one. But Lewis talks about his personal experience in Wall Street. Two points: (1) Greed is a real issue in this world. (2) You will be influenced by the people you hang around with whether you like it or not.

Books on my to-do reading list (in no particular order):

The rest of the Chronicles of Narnia series
Overrated - Eugene Cho
Where the Red Fern Grows - Wilson Rawls
Freakonomics - Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
Save the Cat - Blake Snyder

If you have any recommendations or questions about the books I've read, I'd be happy to listen or talk!

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God > Your Heart

"If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him." - 1 John 3:20-22

We all sin and we'll continue to make mistakes. We're not perfect. But we strive to love like Christ because Christ loved us first. And as Judah Smith once said, "Let's not get caught up in being forgiven. Let's focus on knowing the forgiver." But how do you deal with yourself when you sin?

For me, I can't help but feel guilt and a need to repent a million times over. I can't help but feel sorry and tired of disappointing God. And the conviction to repent is overwhelming, even after I pray for forgiveness. But as I read this passage, I couldn't help but be in awe of God's goodness.

It's my heart that convicts me to repent. But sometimes, it's to the point of lingering guilt. And of course, that's not of God. That lingering guilt prevents us from getting back up to fight on. But here's where the good news comes in. It says that "God is greater than our hearts". God has greater authority than our own hearts.

"For God did NOT send his Son into the world to CONDEMN the world, BUT to SAVE the world through him." - John 3:17

If God does not condemn us, then we should not allow our hearts to condemn ourselves. Of course, that is not to say that we should ignore our convictions to repent. Instead, we should know that the lingering guilt is not of God. 

God knows everything about us. Our past, present, and future mistakes/failures. And when he said "It is finished", it was finished at that moment. Period.

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Random thoughts

I'm about to turn 22 in a two months...

That's ridiculous. I feel like I'm running out of time. A lot of people have told me that I have so much time to do things, but I've always felt like I need to spend my time the most effective/efficient way possible. Maybe it's a business mindset that I got from school. But I think that I should spend every moment being the best I can be for Christ. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't play or waste time. But I try to acknowledge and keep true to this idea.

What happens to your "dream" as you get older?

I had an opportunity to visit a house church last Friday. I was a newcomer in a small group of young adults (all in their late 20s). They welcomed me by allowing me to ask a question to everyone in the room. Everyone had to answer - including myself. So I asked "What was/is your dream?"

While some answers were comical, others were quite sincere. Some gave up on their dream while others are still pursing it. For example, one individual wants to write a novel. Another wants to open a bakery and create a documentary. I thought to myself, "why aren't you pursuing that now?" Of course, the obvious answer is "life". Life gets in the way of things. Life makes you deal with bills, student loans, car loans, shelter, housing, clothes, etc. And that is, no doubt, a legitimate point.

But this is the very question I've been wondering about for a year. I fully understand that we must be wise and be responsible to make a living. But to what extent is that an "excuse" to not pursue your dream/passion? See - I personally believe at this moment in my life that our deep passion is God given. That thing that makes you want to do it forever? That's our God-given purpose. But I don't think that means to drop everything just to pursue it. We need to be smart and wise about how we go about using our God given gifts. It's through prayer/scripture. It's in His time and His will that we do these things.

I remember hearing a speaker at a retreat in high school. He asked, "If money didn't exist and God provided everything, then what would you do?" If the world didn't operate on money, then what would you do with your life? It blew my mind. I began to freak out in my 17 year old brain. What?! No money?! What's going to happen then?! Do I just implode?! (okay not the last question). But you get my point. What would that thing be?

Another thought came into my head as I thought about my purpose for these past few years. Don't fool yourself when searching for your God-given purpose. Deep down, you need to evaluate why you are "passionate" about this one thing(s). It can't be for money, fame, glory, power, etc. It MUST be for God. Period. It must be to glorify Him and only Him. Don't psych yourself out by telling yourself "it's for God" when it really isn't.

You have to be brutally honest with yourself and God. Either this "passion" is something God instilled in your heart or something Satan is deceiving you into thinking. I can't judge or accuse you if you have the right heart/mindset. It's only between you and God. Because in the end, it'll be between you and God.

Again, these are my personal thoughts and ideas on how God works in our lives. I don't have biblical support or any credibility. So don't live on my words, live on His words.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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The Dungeon

I wrote this short story because I was inspired by my JP fellows to think about a childhood memory.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

The Dungeon
There once was a family who owned a beauty supply store. There was dad, mom, boy, and Jango - who was the father's assistant. Everyday the four tended to visitors from around the land. Father would monitored the well-being of the store while mother would run the cash register. The real responsibility was with the boy and Jango.

While father and mother stayed comfortably behind the walls of the front desk, the boy and Jango would venture off into the aisles and the back of the store. Many customers came and left with many supplies. So the boy and Jango had to make sure every aisle was filled. They carefully watched each aisle and resupplied the moment an item disappeared (just like how a farmer tends to his rows of crops every day).

As the days went on, the boy began to feel discouraged. He questioned his own ability to be excellent at his duty. So he asked Jango, "Will I ever become brave and strong? I can't lift those boxes, and I'm scared of those mannequin heads in the storage room. Maybe I'll never be quite good enough."

Jango chuckled and smiled. He replied, "It may seem like you'll never reach that goal. But it requires patience and time. Until then, let me help you practice your bravery and strength." The boy felt glad and agreed to the proposal.

From then on, the boy trained. While Jango carried the larger boxes, the boy followed him with smaller ones. When the boxes were emptied onto the shelves, the boy broke them with kicks and punches he learned from his martial arts class. Jango, of course, was there holding each box. Like a trainer, he was saying good job's and well done's. Occasionally, the boy dropped boxes and missed kicks/punches. However, Jango's encouragement kept the boy determined to grow and improve.

After many months, the boy gained confidence and became stronger and more brave. He said to Jango, "I feel much braver and stronger now. It was all thanks to your help!" Jango seemed quite pleased and happy that he could help the boy. He told him, "You're brave!" But a new task was added to their duty that same day.

Father had left his desk to come out to the aisles. He approached Jango and whispered something into his ear and departed. The boy could not hear what had been said, so he asked Jango, "What did father say?" Jango replied, "There is another task we have to do. It will require a lot of bravery. Do you think you can do it?" The boy, without hesitation, nodded with confidence.

The boy and Jango traveled to a distant part of the store. It was always abandoned and left empty. Jango approached a large wooden board, lifted it, and pushed it aside. As the board moved away from the wall, the boy saw what was behind the board. Complete darkness - black. It was as if the darkness could swallow you up, like a black hole. To the boy, it felt like a dungeon.

This dungeon was the entrance to a shaft that led down to an abandoned storage room. But the bottom was not visible without a flashlight. Jango and the boy stood there for a moment. All they heard was a deep echo coming from the, seemingly, bottomless shaft. You could even hear the howling of the wind coming from below. Jango began to board the lift, but the boy stopped him.

"I can't go down there," said the boy. "I'm not brave enough for this duty." Jango turned to face the boy and said to him, "Okay then. We'll train like we did these past few months!" The boy was a doubtful, but agreed.

The two began training as before for a few weeks, but something unexpected occurred. On a random day, Jango approached the boy with a troubled look. He said, "I won't be able to work here anymore. I'm moving away." The boy replied, "How am I going to become brave enough to fulfill my duty?"

Jango kelt down and told the the boy, "You don't need my help to achieve your bravery. I've only been encouraging you, but you've done all the work yourself. You only need to encourage yourself, and then you will achieve it." Just like that, Jango left. And the boy was by himself.

A month went by, and the boy trained alone during that time. Finally, he felt ready to fulfill his duty. He slowly approached the entrance to the dungeon. With each step, he felt his heart race faster and faster. When he stood at the foot of the darkness, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. He proceeded to tell himself, "You're brave." With that, he took a step into the darkness.

If you've reached the end, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this random story.

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2016: Questions and Expectations

If you read my last post, you'll know that I receive a random verse for each year. So I wanted to share the verse, a personal interpretation, and a speculation for the year. Also, I wonder how this post will be different from what actually happens at the end of the year.

"The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing." - Psalm 34:10

This verse made no sense to me when I first read it. And it made no sense after I read it for the 20th time. It was so vague, out of context, random, etc. But something magically clicked for me a few days later.

For those of you who follow me on snapchat (misterjustinha - shameless plug), you know that I've been reading a lot over the break. I recently started the Chronicles of Narnia series. My cousin bought the entire set for me when I was in middle school, and I've finally decided to read it -- whoops!

In the first book, Aslan is introduced. He's a lion, and characterized as "God" who is the ruler over Narnia -- a land filled with living animals who are personified as human beings. It got me thinking about the characteristics of the lion. In most cultures, Lions are known as the "King of Beasts/Jungle". It's the best of all the land. No animal is greater than it.

So I went back to the verse. Even the "greatest" in the animal kingdom can become weak. It's life still depends on the existence of an ecosystem. If the ecosystem fails, even the greatest animal becomes weak and helpless. It's the same for us! No matter who we look to, everyone is at the mercy of life. Life is unpredictable. Sicknesses can happen. Economies can fail. Natural disasters can occur. And there's nothing we can do to completely control these things -- not the strongest person, smartest person, or richest person.

But there's one being who can completely control these things. And if you seek Him first, then you'll be sustained with al that is necessary. It may not be what you WANT. But it will, for sure, be what you need.

I learned that trusting in Him clears up all confusion. This year, it seems like He wants to teach me to depend on Him to sustain everything in life. Everything seems to be laid out for me: an internship for the spring, a potential program in LA (if not, summer school), and a final year at UT. Now I have to chase after Him, and leave the rest of this up to Him. I wonder what will happen.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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