How It Once Was

I had a life-changing opportunity to create a short film this past summer. And to be honest, I'm still wondering how something amazing like this came into my life. But let me share my personal thoughts about this film I wrote. For those of you who haven't seen it, you can watch it here.

Whatever you thought after seeing this film is probably what I thought. I have my own criticisms as well. And I have a lot more to learn. However, I am very thankful and blessed for even having this opportunity to have a JP family who is willing to take me in and allow me to take part in representing the JP name.

To be honest, I am sorry to my team and JP for not being the best writer. But I know that they will always encourage me and tell me that I have nothing to apologize for. And those words of encouragement will keep me determined in becoming a better writer and storyteller. More importantly, I'm very grateful to all the JP leaders for taking a chance on this "accounting" major to take part in a video that will impact JP's image (for better or for worse). As I'm writing this, I can't help but continue to apologize for not bringing about the best work.

At the same time, I am thankful for the fans of JP. While many provided some critiques, they did so in a way that wasn't degrading or discouraging. They were honest, yet gentle with their feedback. And I definitely agree with their comments. Now, I can only look forward and use those comments to develop my skills.

Finally, I want to be completely honest with the battle going on inside my mind. There is a portion of me that wants to play the blaming game -- only if (blank), then it would be better. Another part of me wants to criticize my inadequacies in writing -- you're not creative enough, you're a business person (this has been a battle recently, but I'll save that for another time).

"Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." - 2 Corinthians 1:21-22

Nothing I do will ever be perfect. And that's okay. I'm a flawed person who's trying to learn and grow to become better. I've already been fully accepted as I am. That drives me to keep going for a different reason. I'm not practicing to achieve a position/status. My position/status in Christ will determine how I practice my life. So I give thanks to God and the JP family for accepting me regardless of my current progress in life.

Soli Deo Gloria

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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Only Child Syndrome

I always thought this isn't true. But based on my one minute of research on this topic, I realized that I have some elements of "only child syndrome". If you didn't know already, I'm an only child. And there are pros and cons to being an only child.

Being an only child was terrible at an early age. You have to deal with loneliness all the time. Apparently there are two ways how only children cope with being alone. Either they compensate by making a lot of friends, or they learn to have fun by themselves. I learned to have fun by myself.

I would always play boardgames with my mom or dad when they were available. When they weren't, I tried to beat myself. Can you imagine that? A kid trying to figure out how beat himself at chess when he knows what the other opponent is thinking about doing? It was hard. I wish I could go back in time and watch myself doing that. It would've been pretty entertaining (but that means I'm still having fun by myself by watching my young self... #mindblown).

So throughout my childhood, I learned to be independent. I entertained myself. I didn't mind doing things alone. Actually, I began to prefer to do things on my own. I can go at my own pace and do what I want. But things started to be less enjoyable as I grew up.

I moved from a private to public school as I entered 6th grade. I began to see how I needed to fit into a group in order to be popular. Thankfully, I got involved with percussion and found my first friend in public school. He introduced me to his other childhood friends, who were all in band. And I finally had a group of familiar faces I could talk with. But I didn't quite fit in with them exactly.

We all knew I was different (aside from the fact that I was Asian). It wasn't my race that made me feel different. It was our interests and hobbies. I never grew up obsessed with football, baseball, or basketball. My dad was never into sports. He knew the rules and whatnot. But he's not a diehard fan of any team or individual player. So because I felt a bit inadequate in "sports knowledge", I tried to familiarize myself with teams and players. But again, my friends never judged me or made me feel inadequate because of these things. They were and are still accepting of who I am. And I am very thankful for that.

This whole cycle of "trying to fit in" continued throughout my life. Even to this day, in some aspect. But now, I fight a different battle. I don't struggle with fitting in. I've accepted that my individuality is a blessing. I fight this battle of pride. The battle during my childhood was a fight to not be lonely. Now, it's turned into a fight of humility. It's so easy to get caught up with who likes you as a person, or who likes the work you do. I'm trying to remind myself where my worth comes from: the Giver of all gifts.

Soli Deo Gloria

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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Ignorance Is Bliss But...

It seems true that ignorance is bliss, but I don't think it's healthy. I'll use The Walking Dead as an analogy for my argument. And no, I won't spoil anything. But apparently there's a huge argument on whether I die or not. By me, I mean Glenn because I apparently look like him. Go see for yourself on my Instagram.

If you don't know anything about The Walking Dead, let me give you a quick summary. The story revolves around a group of survivors living in a post-apocalyptic world filled with zombies. If you die, you turn into a zombie. If you get bitten by one, then you get sick and die. Soon after, you'll become a zombie.

The main characters have been through a lot. They've been out fighting zombies and other human beings that have resorted to killing other humans for supplies. They've seen things that are unseeable. They've lost family and friends. Finally, the main characters come across a community living safely behind these giant steel walls. This happens in the most recent season -- season 5.

There's something unique about this community. None of the people living inside have experienced the outside world. They've lived safely behind their walls that surrounds a very nice suburban neighborhood. They've never had to go out and look for food because there has been a large supply to sustain them since the beginning of the apocalypse. Therefore, the people in the community have no experience in the "real" world. The main characters see them as weak children; they don't know how to fight or stay calm. Their ignorance was hurting their chance of survival.

I was reading Ephesians 6:10. It's about the full armor of God. Paul writes about how we're in a spiritual war. He stresses the importance of understanding that we are no match for what's out there. We must equip ourselves with the proper wisdom and gear to fight and survive.

I know it sounds a bit over-exaggerated. Demons and angels? Those are just metaphors. Those are just mythical stories. It's not real. But let me tell you that this ignorance has already reduced your chance of spiritual survival to 0%. If you refuse to believe that there is an enemy constantly at work against you, then they've already won the battle. They can hide without being seen and have a clear kill shot.

I'll be honest. I still sometimes think that this stuff is a little too extreme. I don't want to be seen as one of those "crazy/hardcore" Christians. But then I wonder if that's the enemy's doing. Don't get me wrong. I respect those around me and make sure to treat them with grace and kindness, just as Christ did. I'm careful about what I say to them so that I can show them small aspects of Christ in my life. But to my brothers and sisters in Christ who know what I'm talking about, don't be one of those ignorant people in the "safe" community in The Walking Dead. Train yourself. Equip yourself.

There will be unending battles. However, the war has been won.

Soli Deo Gloria

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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I'm a Prideful Person - And That's Not Okay.

If you remember, I wrote about a book I've been reading titled Wild at Heart. It has really challenged me to ask questions I never thought about.

What defines a man? Where does my heart lie? Where do I find my source of power and strength? What is my name (not literally, but spiritually/metaphorically)?

My biggest question at the moment is where I find my source of power and strength. More specifically, what things make me feel like a "man"?

Is it in my talents and gifts? Is it from my intellect? Is it from my ability to control my life? Is it in the number of likes and followers I have? Is it my ability to endure pain and show no sign of weakness?

Many of us just want to be worth something. We want the world to appreciate us for who we are. But it seems like the world has set standards on who we need to be in order to "make the cut". The world tells you all these things...

You must be able to be self-sustaining. Take care of yourself first. God helps those who helps themselves. You must create your own opportunities.

This is what the world has taught us. It has taught us how to be prideful. We have been conditioned to focus on ourselves and focus on receiving praise from the world. If you don't get followers, likes, favorites, shares, or views, then you're not worth anything. This has become the pattern of this world.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

The world says you must trust no one and sustain yourself. You must do all the work. You're not worth anything until you gain the praise of the world. Keep working until you make it. But I'd like to argue otherwise.

“God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble.” - James 4:6

I can get caught up on how many likes and favorites I get on the content I post. I always think about whether or not people will like the photos or videos I post. And it feels good when I get likes. But they mean nothing if my motives are wrong.

If I'm doing photography and film for the sake of fame, then it's a wasted effort. I must do it for a greater purpose because people come and go. Sometimes people will support you, and other times they'll leave you.

If we can humble ourselves before God, then we'll get our biggest like. We'll get our biggest follower. That's all that matters. As you humble yourself, don't be self-deprecating. Don't deny the talents and gifts that you've been blessed with. Accept compliments and praise from the world. But remember to direct those praises up to the giver of all gifts.

If you like reading, then check out my friends' blogs!

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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