Wake up

The past week has been very, very weird. It sort of felt like a bomb of unpredictable chaos came into my life. Maybe I'm over exaggerating - but that's what I initially thought. All of this began last Wednesday.

First, I receive an email that put my Disney internship in a questionable position. With the new circumstances, I may not graduate on time by taking the internship. At that moment, I felt like the door was closing. I had to make a decision between the two options. And I struggled between two mindsets - either I can trust in God and be content with whatever happens or be upset and blame God/school/etc.

On the same day, I learn that our apartment complex had a chemical gas incident. A student committed suicide. And for some reason, I had the audacity to make some insensitive/blunt comments about the incident. I was more concerned about me not being able to sleep in my apartment that night. So I apologize for those who had to read my comments.

That night, I had a dream about being held at gunpoint in my car. I got shot - well I think I did. All I remember is the gun going off. My ears were ringing. I felt nothing. And I was looking down to see if I got hit. Then I woke up. At this point, I was shaken. I had no idea what was going on. I was in shock and scared all of a sudden. So I did the only thing I was taught by my parents - pray.

I prayed with no words in mind - I just sat there.

Then the words began to form. As I began to talk with God, He showed me that I wasn't awake. I haven't been paying attention to where He's placed me and why I'm here. I've been so focused on getting to the next destination in my own power. And it has hindered me from listening to God and being obedient in my current position.

None of this hit me until last night and this morning. I watched a video that my friend, Young, posted. And now I'm writing this to share God's goodness. I'm thankful that He has been gracious in lightly shaking me awake. He could have completely destroyed my life to make me wake up. But He didn't.

So I want to encourage you all to wake up - if you're asleep.

Oh yeah - and I learned I'll still graduate on time while going to Disney for the summer. But that's not the important thing.

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Blessed Are The Merciful

Yesterday at small group, we discussed the beatitudes. It's also known as the Sermon on the Mount. I'm sure many of you are familiar with it - or at least it sounds familiar. I've heard it plenty of times, but like my leaders said, "it's always good to go back to the basics."

And [Jesus] opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. 

After reading the section, there's an overarching theme. Everything that Jesus says seems to be opposite of how our world runs. Since when has society told us that humility will cause us to inherit everything? All I remember hearing is "if you don't fight for what you want, then you won't become successful." How often do we show mercy to others? We seem to operate on the idea of "an eye for an eye".

I wonder what would happen if our world became like this - right now. What would happen if everyone became selfless, merciful, and peacemaking. It's nearly impossible for my mind to fathom such a thing - which is quite sad. But it excites me because that's what the world will be when Christ returns. No weeping, no pain, no hurt, no war, no brokenness. The list can go on and on.

But that doesn't mean we should sit and wait. We can strive to be like Christ with the power of Christ in us. We can be influencers by going into the world and showing them what could be and will be. We don't have to be on the defensive, trying to avoid the world and it's ideologies. We can be on the offensive by sharing the grace we have received.

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What Do You Fear?

I don't know about you, but I tend to have a lot of irrational fears. More specifically, I have a lot of what if fears. I don't know if that makes sense, but bear with me. I think it'll make sense.

I always have these desires to try something out. It starts to come together in my head, and I really excited about the idea. But all of a sudden, the what if's seep into my mind.

What if this happens? You don't have this ready. What if people think this? You need to have this down first before you can do it. What if it doesn't turn out well? What if it takes too long?

After a little while, the idea gets drowned out by the what ifs. Then I forget it and go back into my daily routine. Is it just me? I can't be the only one that faces this. It's so frustrating sometimes.

But I came to a conclusion. If I never try it, then I'll never know what it could have been. It could fail, or it could turn out just as I thought (or maybe even better). I guess this goes back to the same idea of my previous post of Living Out Boldly.

So for those of you with ideas - go be bold and try it out. However, I have to put a caveat to that statement. Make sure your intention is centered around Christ. Because if you don't, that idea will most likely fail without God's support. But I'm sure many of you reading have the right mindset.

So I want to encourage you (and myself) that the ideas and desires you have can be from God. Pray about it, and don't let the irrational fears stop you from acting upon it. And when you act upon it, don't expect results immediately - nothing happens overnight. Maybe God wants us to be patient and wait upon His timing. Or maybe the idea you had wasn't the right thing. But you'll never know until you try.

I guess I just convinced myself to try something. Maybe this post was for me. Is that selfish? Oh well - sorry.

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A Good Friday = 22

I forgot it was my birthday until Thursday. This can only mean one thing, I'm becoming old(er). I guess it's because nothing exciting happens after you turn 21. You can rent a car at 25, but that's basically all I can think of. So I didn't really do much on the day of my birthday. But there was something else really special about my birthday this year. For the first time, my birthday landed on Good Friday.

Realizing this, I was humbled. Sure it's my birthday, even though I almost forgot. But this day is celebrated for a different reason. It's celebrated as the biggest event that eternally changed the history of mankind.

So I thought of two things. (1) I'm glad to have my birthday on Good Friday because it makes my day twice as special. (2) I'm kind of not glad my birthday is on Good Friday because my birthday is less significant than what Christ did for the world.

Like I said, my day wasn't too special. I ran a few errands, went to Good Friday service, and had a fun night with some of the guys. It was a good, simple day. I greatly appreciated the fact that God didn't allow my day to be crazy with surprises and events. He allowed it to be simple so that I could think about the most important thing of that day.

Yes, it was my birthday. But more importantly, it was the day that the world was given access to eternal life. Every birthday would be meaningless if it weren't for Christ's death on the cross on Good Friday. Why celebrate birthdays if you're celebrating a day closer to eternal death and suffering? But because of what happened on Good Friday, I was (and now) am able to celebrate my birthdays as a day closer to eternal life and everlasting joy.

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Living Out Boldly

A lot of things have come into my life, and it's disrupted the expected trajectory of my life. I think of it as approaching a fork in the road of life -- or having large boulder drop into a still lake. Everything was going smoothly until something appeared out of nowhere. However, this isn't a bad type of disruption. It's a good one.

I'm still in the process of comprehending all that has happened to me within the past year. But I thought I'd write down my thinking process. A year ago, I would have never thought I would enjoy reading or writing. I would have never thought that I would have a craving to tell stories and capture images. I would have never thought that I would meet people who are highly esteemed. I would have never thought that those people would be willing to mentor me. All these things disrupted my expected course in life.

So here I am, trying to process what all of this means. What is God trying to say? What am I supposed to do? What if it doesn't work out? What if. What if. What if...

1) The Bible says not to worry about the future. 
It's a long ways away. Focus on the present moment. Enjoy what you have today. Be thankful in the current circumstance. Even the Lord's prayer tells us that God will provide us our daily bread. Although, it is difficult to fight this mindset when the problems of the real world constantly surround us. It's all about taking "one step, one punch, and one round at a time." Yes, I just quoted Creed. It's a great movie.

2) As Christians, we should be living boldly - not fearfully. 
I spoke with my pastor about my current dilemma. And he mentioned how frustrating it is to see Christians living with doubt/fear/worry. If you are sure in where you are being led, then why fear the unknown? Of course, it's natural to fear the unknown. But we should be bold, knowing that Christ has led us and will lead us for the rest of our days.

Am I certain that I'm being led in this direction? If so, then I should follow it boldly. If not, then I should wait patiently. Maybe I already know the answer. Maybe I'm just looking for others to tell me the answer I already know. I don't know. Yes? Yes. Maybe. No.

I need more prayer. Peace out.

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Just For My Own Record

I want to record a brief summary of how crazy my life has been the past year. This isn't for me to brag about how I accomplished such and such. This more of a testament of how good He is to me, despite my shortcomings. Also, I want to look back on this post one day and see how far I've come.

Summer 2015
I became interested in photography. Learned all the technical basics and began to venture out into this creative world. While learning, I saw an application for the Jubilee Project Fellowship. I applied and didn't think I would get in. I got in, and I still don't know how.

I met a lot of amazing people with awesome gifts/talents. I was introduced to a whole new world of thinking, and it changed the way I now think. And this was all through God.

Fall 2015
I came back to school, craving a way to stay active in this new mindset. I began to write scripts, create videos, and take photos. But I still wondered if this discovery was just a temporary interest or a God-given passion.

But even as I wondered, opportunities continued to come about. I became a photojournalist for Humans of Austin. I helped film a music video for a band. But one event blew my mind. I learned that my accounting program finished developing a summer program in LA for accountants to work within film companies. The program had been in the works for a few years, but it just so happened to be ready at this moment. So of course, I applied.

Winter 2015
I read a lot over break - like a lot. I hate reading, but I began to enjoy it the more I read. This was definitely not my own doing, as funny as that may sound. At the same time, I worked my accounting internship with Ernst and Young. I learned how to learn, and I was challenged in so many different ways - mentally and spiritually. All the while, I wrote scripts in my free time and read a lot of books.

Spring 2016
I finish my internship and hear back from the LA summer program. I receive an internship offer with Disney as a production accountant. I so happened to buy tickets to LA way before any of this. So I visit Walt Disney Studios while seeing friends in LA - who graciously took time out of their day to see me.

I head back to Austin for a church retreat and have an amazing time there (that's another post for another time). I come back from retreat and get a phone call to help make a video for Billboard. I didn't really know what to expect, but I finished it that night. Surprisingly, the people liked the way I made it. And now I'm about to start school.

These are way too many coincidences to be called coincidences. This is God at work in my life. And I have done nothing to deserve this. I'm a broken person, who disobeys God just like everyone else in this world. Throughout this journey, I have worried for no reason. Other times, I had become prideful at the thought of going into the film industry. And yet, He's willing to use me.

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Lesson from the first sixth of 2016

Two months of 2016 have already gone by. What have you guys learned about yourselves? About God? About life? I hope we're all learning in someway - whether it be from school or life experiences. Because to me, time is becoming more and more limited. I feel as if my life is passing by at an accelerating rate. Each year goes by faster than the previous one. And that mentality has benefited me. However, it has also restricted me.

I believe it's important for us to always remember that our time on earth is limited. 80ish years may seem like a long time, and it can be a long time. But I try to always put it in relativity to an eternity. I love how Francis Chan puts this concept with an illustration (I'll link the video below).

This mindset has made me think about investing my time in the most efficient/effective way possible. I'm always challenging myself to be "doing" something. And I end up hating myself when a day has been "wasted".

But here's my problem: I've been so caught up with finding my purpose in God that I lost sight of God himself. I forgot about His commands to serve, rest, and fellowship. So instead of being content in God, I worried about things way into the future.

Someone shared this illustration with me. The life that we walk with God is like driving at night. Our headlights show only what's immediately ahead. But it won't show what's a couple miles ahead. The road may curve later down the road. But why worry about it when you're not even close? Everything in life is unpredictable. Changes happen. Nothing is stable. But He's stable. He's constant. His unchanging love is predictable.

And when you learn to let go, He responds in a crazy way. Sometimes it's immediately. Other times, it may take a while.

But Godliness with contentment is great gain. - 1 Timothy 6:6

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