Only Child Syndrome

I always thought this isn't true. But based on my one minute of research on this topic, I realized that I have some elements of "only child syndrome". If you didn't know already, I'm an only child. And there are pros and cons to being an only child.

Being an only child was terrible at an early age. You have to deal with loneliness all the time. Apparently there are two ways how only children cope with being alone. Either they compensate by making a lot of friends, or they learn to have fun by themselves. I learned to have fun by myself.

I would always play boardgames with my mom or dad when they were available. When they weren't, I tried to beat myself. Can you imagine that? A kid trying to figure out how beat himself at chess when he knows what the other opponent is thinking about doing? It was hard. I wish I could go back in time and watch myself doing that. It would've been pretty entertaining (but that means I'm still having fun by myself by watching my young self... #mindblown).

So throughout my childhood, I learned to be independent. I entertained myself. I didn't mind doing things alone. Actually, I began to prefer to do things on my own. I can go at my own pace and do what I want. But things started to be less enjoyable as I grew up.

I moved from a private to public school as I entered 6th grade. I began to see how I needed to fit into a group in order to be popular. Thankfully, I got involved with percussion and found my first friend in public school. He introduced me to his other childhood friends, who were all in band. And I finally had a group of familiar faces I could talk with. But I didn't quite fit in with them exactly.

We all knew I was different (aside from the fact that I was Asian). It wasn't my race that made me feel different. It was our interests and hobbies. I never grew up obsessed with football, baseball, or basketball. My dad was never into sports. He knew the rules and whatnot. But he's not a diehard fan of any team or individual player. So because I felt a bit inadequate in "sports knowledge", I tried to familiarize myself with teams and players. But again, my friends never judged me or made me feel inadequate because of these things. They were and are still accepting of who I am. And I am very thankful for that.

This whole cycle of "trying to fit in" continued throughout my life. Even to this day, in some aspect. But now, I fight a different battle. I don't struggle with fitting in. I've accepted that my individuality is a blessing. I fight this battle of pride. The battle during my childhood was a fight to not be lonely. Now, it's turned into a fight of humility. It's so easy to get caught up with who likes you as a person, or who likes the work you do. I'm trying to remind myself where my worth comes from: the Giver of all gifts.

Soli Deo Gloria

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine