Story Time: Chris and Kenny

A few evenings ago, I was studying at the library for my finals with a group of friends. They asked if I could watch their stuff as they went to eat, and I agreed. I wanted to go eat too, but someone had to stay and watch our table. Long story short, I waited longer than I anticipated and became a bit grumpy. When they got back, I left and headed towards McDonald's on my way home (don't judge me).

Chris
As I open the door, a young homeless man stares straight at me and asks for money to get food. Personally, I don't like giving away money. I want to make sure that the money is being used for the right intentions. So I offered to buy him whatever he wanted. And let me tell you, he ordered a lot of food... 5 McDoubles, 5 McChickens, and some BLT sandwich.

While we were waiting for the food to come out, he kept on rambling about his past. The guy's name is Chris. He was socially awkward, but you never know what living on the streets can do to you after a couple years. Chris told me how he had a rough past going to jail for burglary, getting on probation, and ruining his future.

And he wouldn't stop bowing down to me. Almost every other sentence was followed with a bow. And I'm not talking about the bowing your head type bow. He got on his knees and bowed his forehead to the ground. It was his way of expressing his thanks. It made me think, "Who am I to be bowed down to? I feel like God is going to smite me. Just kidding. But seriously, I don't deserve this treatment."

Anyway, we got the food. I asked to pray for him. I prayed for the food. I prayed for God to enter his life in some way. It could be from my encounter with him, or someone else's later in the future. It was a simple prayer, and we parted our ways.

Kenny
But there was another homeless man that saw the entire encounter. He came up and told me how he was amazed to see me do something like that for a guy like him. I simply explained that I felt a conviction to share the love that I've been shown through Christ. I explained to him my faith in Christ. And he seemed to listen with positivity.

We had a bit of small talk, and I learned about the man (Kenny). He was a bit different from many other homeless people that I've met. Kenny was very respectful. He, like many others, made some bad decisions and lost a lot of money. But he didn't boast about it. He showed expressed shame as he talked about his past. He stopped his story abruptly, saying that I wouldn't want to hear the rest of the "boring" story.

Who am I to judge him? I explained that I'm not much of a better person than he. It was sad to see how the world pushed him to be ashamed of himself and beat himself up. It seemed as if he was told to accept the fact that he's a failure and must live with the consequences. I wanted to explain the grace that we all have in Christ, but we ended our conversation. He hoped that we would meet again. I pray and hope that I'll be able to see him again.

Aftermath
After all this occurred, I wasn't so grumpy anymore. There was a reason for me to stay at the table and wait for everyone to come back. None of this story would have occurred without that incidence.

I watched another Judah Smith sermon when I got back home from this event. The sermon was exactly about what just happened in my life. To summarize, sometimes we have to meet strangers and non-believers at their table. Jesus sat at the table of sinners. Why are we so afraid of having our "image" ruined by hanging out with "those people". So what if people make assumptions? That's exactly what the Pharisees did to Jesus. They made assumptions and judged him for sitting with "those sinners". Sometimes, we can't always tell others to join our table. We have to meet them at their place, just like Jesus came down to meet us at our level.

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Graduations, Photography, and Finals.

It's finals week here at the University of Texas at Austin. You know what that means. It's a mixture of stress, anxiety, self-actualization, epiphanies, screaming, crying, laughing, etc. I've seen it all. And no, I'm not going through any of these problems (thankfully). I'm quite relaxed for this round of finals. Honestly, you just do the best that you can do and leave the rest up to God. It's out of your control. So there's no point in worrying anyway.

Enough about finals. I want to talk about graduations and photography. This isn't a lecture because I have little to no knowledge about photography. I'm still learning a lot. And I mean a lot.

This past weekend, a couple of my friends graduated. They're done with this chapter of their life. And I pray and look forward to the amazing things God will do through them.

Graduation, itself, is nothing new to me. It's the same process: show up and cheer as your friend walks, take pictures, go eat, the end. However, it was a different for me because I took some photos this time. Why? Well half of the reason was to help take pictures. The other half was to practice and learn from experience.

As I was looking through the photos, I felt pretty nostalgic. Maybe because I was listening to some sappy music on spotify... Don't judge me. But I captured a lot of candid moments. And it felt warming to see the moments of laughter and happiness on those images. I got to see genuine joy. And it made me think about how those captured moments are moments where people let their guard down. They didn't know I took a picture of them. They didn't have time to "prepare" and "look pretty for the camera". It was the real, genuine "put name here" in that photo.

It made me think about how we all put on a mask when we're in public. We all hide our true self because we're told to do so by society. Why? Why should I conform and follow the patterns around me when I know it's not what defines me? Who says that it's important to look fake in order to impress? Seriously.

Be yourself. Be the image of God you were created to be. Don't try to fit in when you know you aren't supposed to. Be an anomaly (inspired by Lecrae's new alubm). Don't compromise your faith or yourself to seize an opportunity to fit in. And I'm not saying that's easy. I'm still trying to work that out in my life. But I thought I'd share some encouragement.

In the famous lyrics of Andy Mineo: "Opportunities come and they go, but none of them are worth my soul." Just kidding. He's not that well known. But he's a rapper partnered with Lecrae.

Btw, here's the album of the photos. Play some sappy music to get the full effect of #feels.
Graduation Photos

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I lean not on my own understanding.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

It's been a while since I wrote, and there were many reasons for it. I feel like many of you have been feeling the same way that I've been feeling. Empty. Confused. Blank. For me, I came to think about what I'm doing in college. Of course, I'm here to study and work diligently to glorify God. But then again, what am I actually DOING doing? What am I doing with my degree/major? Why am I even pursuing a Masters in Accounting?

For the past few weeks, I'd sit in class wondering why I'm learning this stuff. I wasn't finding any joy in it. And of course, not everything in class is enjoyable or fun. But you know what I mean. How is learning Financial Accounting Standards, Market Equilibrium Hypothesis, or US GAAP going to help me serve God's kingdom? I'm not even enjoying this.

In addition, I don't see myself doing anything in a large corporation. How am I supposed to impact and influence those around me if I'm going to be another small worker in a huge company? Am I really going to be a "slave" at a company for 2 years, working 70-90+ hours? I can't see myself doing that. Some people don't mind that because they'll make a lot of money or gain the experience to obtain a CEO position. No thank you. I don't really care for that stuff. I rather make less money, knowing that I'm making a difference in glorifying God.

So anyway, you get my point. All these thoughts have been in my head. Then this passage in Proverbs became so clear. Who am I to try and figure out what I'm supposed to make of my life? I can try to plan stuff out and convince myself of the purpose that I have, or I can leave it up to the guy who made me. But, honestly, it's so difficult to follow that simple command.

"Then they asked him, 'What must we do to do the works God requires?^' Jesus answered, 'The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.'” - John 6:28-29

I've been so busy trying to DO stuff. I don't know why, but I have a mindset of having to complete at least one task to glorify God. If I don't DO anything for God today, then I failed. And that's false. Look at the passage. The people are so focused on figuring out what they need to DO for God. We've been raised in society to always be DOING stuff.

But Jesus responds in a way that confuses us, and makes us a bit frustrated. Jesus says to just BELIEVE and TRUST. The people were thinking, "What?.... No Jesus, what do you want me to DO? I believe in you and all, and that's cool. But what do you want me to DO?" But that's exactly what we are to do. Just BELIEVE and TRUST.

That's something I'm still learning to do. It's weird because that's now how we were raised and taught. But it's that simple. Believe and trust that He will make your paths straight and your mind clear. You don't need to worry about what's out of your control. Just pray, read scripture, and ask for the wisdom to trust in Him. Who knows what I'll be doing. But I know I'll be where I need to be when the time comes.

PS: I took this idea from another Judah Smith sermon. So if you want to listen to it, message me!

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Repenting.

The past week hasn't been so spiritually great. I felt myself becoming more and more distant from others and, especially, God. I tried praying, and I didn't know how to start or what to say. That's how empty I felt. But I asked for guidance in prayer and slowly began to repent.

It's always been a struggle for me to understand repentance. How much of a balance of repenting is "guilt" or "feeling remorse", and how much of it is "feeling restored/renewed"? I'm not a pastor or anything, so I could be wrong. But this is what I learned from scripture today.

When you know you've committed sin, you can't help but feel guilt/remorse/sorrow. For me, those feelings hit me really hard. I try to come back to pray and repent, but the feelings of guild/sorrow still remain. To me, it makes no logical sense to repent and feel instantly restored. I always feel like there should be a consequence for my wrongdoings. But then I read this passage in 2 Kings.

"Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed." But Naaman went away angry..." - 2 Kings 5:10-11

"So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy." - 2 Kings 5:14

Just a brief background of this passage. There was a guy named Naaman with leprosy, and he went to find the prophet Elisha to be healed. If you look at the first passage, it says that Naaman was angry. Why was he angry? He was angry because he expected Elisha to perform a complicated/spiritual/mind-blowing miracle to heal him. But instead, Elisha told him to go take a shower in the Jordan river. It seemed so simple. Too simple.

And of course, Naaman goes and takes his little shower. Boom. He's healed. It was such a simple thing, and Naaman thought it was supposed to be so complicated.

This is exactly how I feel when I try to repent, sometimes. I come before God, expecting to be scolded or punished for my wrongdoing. I feel remorse and guilt. I feel as if I must earn the forgiveness. But then I was reminded of the simplicity of forgiveness because of Christ's death on the cross. There's no punishment. It's been finished. Just like Naaman had to take a simple shower to be healed, I need only to simply repent.

And of course, the whole topic of taking advantage of His grace is a different story for another time.

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Self-Reminders.

I tend to be forgetful. Not so much on promises or plans that I make with other people, but I tend to forget the Truth about myself and God. Listening to PC's sermon served as a great reminder of who I am and who He is.

We all get caught up in the busy-ness of life. The world doesn't revolve around you or me. I know we hear it a lot, but it's a true fact that I tend to forget. In my case, I'm busy with school. I only think about my class schedule, when to eat, when to study, and when to meet up with people. It's a simple, mundane thing. But sometimes I forget why or what I'm doing.

Judah Smith mentions in his sermon that the world and the gospel define life as opposite things...

The world says that "practice dictates your position". You can only become worth something if you practice hard enough. You'll be loved, significant, made worth when you practice hard enough to attain that status. You'll become a CEO, superstar, most interesting person if you practice hard enough. Practice practice practice and then you can have it.

The gospel says the opposite. "Your position in Christ dictates your practice". In Christ, we have been seated at the right hand of God. We have already been given the highest position that can ever be achieved. And we did nothing to earn it. We were given this position out of grace.

That's the gospel. It's the truth. Christianity is a story of love. The gospel shows that you don't need to work for your position. It's been given to you. All you need to do is accept and believe in Christ. Embrace God's grace. But by all means, it doesn't mean life gets easier. Everyone suffers through life because the world is a broken place. We're all broken people. But in Christ, we can suffer with a purpose. In Christ, we have hope for eternal joy, peace, and happiness.

Don't follow what the world tells you to do. Don't listen to what society defines you as. You are not defined by your job, social status, financial status, race, or passions. You are a follower of Christ. You are a child of God. So I encourage you to live your life in Christ (in the highest position).

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Thank you all...

for your prayers and support. As pathetic as it may sound, last week was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. It could have arguably been the most difficult week of my life. And for that, I am very thankful that I somehow survived it.

This school year, I've seen so many people going through hardships. It's as if this is the year that my friends and I have been hit with a wave of confusion/chaos/conflicts. But there's been so much beauty in the midst of the craziness. There's been more compassion, kindness, prayer, accountability, and love among us.

I can testify that my college fellowship has supported me more than I could have imagined. Life can slap you in the face. Really hard. And most of the time, there's no way you can get back up on your own will. I experienced this first hand. And I must thank my brothers and sisters in Christ for their prayers.

There's no other place where I can rely on others for genuine support/prayer. I can testify that ACTS is a loving body in Christ. I can see it as I edit these pictures that I took from our social events. I can see it in the way we share our lives with each other. I can see genuine love being shared. And you can be a part of it too. We accept anyone and everyone.

Ultimately, I have to thank God for helping me through the week.

I don't deserve God's grace or mercy. Even throughout the week, I willingly disobeyed Him. I tried to find rest in other things besides Him. But He still provided and blessed me. I don't understand. And that's the beauty of it. God's grace is something that can't be understood. It makes no sense that anyone would still be faithful to someone who isn't faithful in return. It's ridiculous. It's scandalous. It's beyond rational. But it's there, and it won't be leaving anytime soon. It's amazing.

So if anyone needs some prayer, feel free to reach out. There's no such thing as a "stupid" prayer. We're all broken. We can't do anything on our own. Let the guy who's in charge of everything help you out. And even if you don't know whether or not God is real, give it a shot. You never know how your life can change.

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I Am Weak.

Before I start, I want to apologize to everyone who I promised to meet up with. Since I haven't been able to meet up and share about my past weeks, this will be my way to communicate that to you. For the time being, at least.

For the past week or so, I've been very busy. I wish I could say that I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. For example, today was a long day. I woke up at 8:30AM, had class until 7PM, had a quick dinner, and studied until now. Honestly, I don't know how I got through today.

My days have been consistently like this. If you think I'm here to vent/complain about how my schedule is crazier/more intense than yours, then you're mistaken. I'm here to say the opposite. I'm weak.

I'm weak. I'll admit it. There is no way that I can handle my current schedule by my own will/efforts. And I'm thankful that my schedule has pushed me to the limit. Why? Because God has proven to me that I can only do so many things on my own will. Let me explain.

This past summer, I remember specifically that I prayed for my pride to be removed from my life. I asked God to humble me no matter what it took. And guess what? I think that prayer has been answered.

There is no way that I could have survived today on my own. There is no way that I could have been so peaceful and calm at certain times. And there is no way that I would put myself through these conditions for the sake of making a huge salary in the future.

So everyday that I am able to get through, I cannot take any credit. I know I'm weak. There's no way I can do this on my own. It's not me. It's Him. He's constant. He's good. He's faithful. He is Better.

But the fight's not over yet. Next week will be even more challenging, and I hope and pray that I'll be able to stay thankful in all circumstances and remain in prayer.

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