God > Your Heart

"If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him." - 1 John 3:20-22

We all sin and we'll continue to make mistakes. We're not perfect. But we strive to love like Christ because Christ loved us first. And as Judah Smith once said, "Let's not get caught up in being forgiven. Let's focus on knowing the forgiver." But how do you deal with yourself when you sin?

For me, I can't help but feel guilt and a need to repent a million times over. I can't help but feel sorry and tired of disappointing God. And the conviction to repent is overwhelming, even after I pray for forgiveness. But as I read this passage, I couldn't help but be in awe of God's goodness.

It's my heart that convicts me to repent. But sometimes, it's to the point of lingering guilt. And of course, that's not of God. That lingering guilt prevents us from getting back up to fight on. But here's where the good news comes in. It says that "God is greater than our hearts". God has greater authority than our own hearts.

"For God did NOT send his Son into the world to CONDEMN the world, BUT to SAVE the world through him." - John 3:17

If God does not condemn us, then we should not allow our hearts to condemn ourselves. Of course, that is not to say that we should ignore our convictions to repent. Instead, we should know that the lingering guilt is not of God. 

God knows everything about us. Our past, present, and future mistakes/failures. And when he said "It is finished", it was finished at that moment. Period.

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Random thoughts

I'm about to turn 22 in a two months...

That's ridiculous. I feel like I'm running out of time. A lot of people have told me that I have so much time to do things, but I've always felt like I need to spend my time the most effective/efficient way possible. Maybe it's a business mindset that I got from school. But I think that I should spend every moment being the best I can be for Christ. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't play or waste time. But I try to acknowledge and keep true to this idea.

What happens to your "dream" as you get older?

I had an opportunity to visit a house church last Friday. I was a newcomer in a small group of young adults (all in their late 20s). They welcomed me by allowing me to ask a question to everyone in the room. Everyone had to answer - including myself. So I asked "What was/is your dream?"

While some answers were comical, others were quite sincere. Some gave up on their dream while others are still pursing it. For example, one individual wants to write a novel. Another wants to open a bakery and create a documentary. I thought to myself, "why aren't you pursuing that now?" Of course, the obvious answer is "life". Life gets in the way of things. Life makes you deal with bills, student loans, car loans, shelter, housing, clothes, etc. And that is, no doubt, a legitimate point.

But this is the very question I've been wondering about for a year. I fully understand that we must be wise and be responsible to make a living. But to what extent is that an "excuse" to not pursue your dream/passion? See - I personally believe at this moment in my life that our deep passion is God given. That thing that makes you want to do it forever? That's our God-given purpose. But I don't think that means to drop everything just to pursue it. We need to be smart and wise about how we go about using our God given gifts. It's through prayer/scripture. It's in His time and His will that we do these things.

I remember hearing a speaker at a retreat in high school. He asked, "If money didn't exist and God provided everything, then what would you do?" If the world didn't operate on money, then what would you do with your life? It blew my mind. I began to freak out in my 17 year old brain. What?! No money?! What's going to happen then?! Do I just implode?! (okay not the last question). But you get my point. What would that thing be?

Another thought came into my head as I thought about my purpose for these past few years. Don't fool yourself when searching for your God-given purpose. Deep down, you need to evaluate why you are "passionate" about this one thing(s). It can't be for money, fame, glory, power, etc. It MUST be for God. Period. It must be to glorify Him and only Him. Don't psych yourself out by telling yourself "it's for God" when it really isn't.

You have to be brutally honest with yourself and God. Either this "passion" is something God instilled in your heart or something Satan is deceiving you into thinking. I can't judge or accuse you if you have the right heart/mindset. It's only between you and God. Because in the end, it'll be between you and God.

Again, these are my personal thoughts and ideas on how God works in our lives. I don't have biblical support or any credibility. So don't live on my words, live on His words.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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The Dungeon

I wrote this short story because I was inspired by my JP fellows to think about a childhood memory.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

The Dungeon
There once was a family who owned a beauty supply store. There was dad, mom, boy, and Jango - who was the father's assistant. Everyday the four tended to visitors from around the land. Father would monitored the well-being of the store while mother would run the cash register. The real responsibility was with the boy and Jango.

While father and mother stayed comfortably behind the walls of the front desk, the boy and Jango would venture off into the aisles and the back of the store. Many customers came and left with many supplies. So the boy and Jango had to make sure every aisle was filled. They carefully watched each aisle and resupplied the moment an item disappeared (just like how a farmer tends to his rows of crops every day).

As the days went on, the boy began to feel discouraged. He questioned his own ability to be excellent at his duty. So he asked Jango, "Will I ever become brave and strong? I can't lift those boxes, and I'm scared of those mannequin heads in the storage room. Maybe I'll never be quite good enough."

Jango chuckled and smiled. He replied, "It may seem like you'll never reach that goal. But it requires patience and time. Until then, let me help you practice your bravery and strength." The boy felt glad and agreed to the proposal.

From then on, the boy trained. While Jango carried the larger boxes, the boy followed him with smaller ones. When the boxes were emptied onto the shelves, the boy broke them with kicks and punches he learned from his martial arts class. Jango, of course, was there holding each box. Like a trainer, he was saying good job's and well done's. Occasionally, the boy dropped boxes and missed kicks/punches. However, Jango's encouragement kept the boy determined to grow and improve.

After many months, the boy gained confidence and became stronger and more brave. He said to Jango, "I feel much braver and stronger now. It was all thanks to your help!" Jango seemed quite pleased and happy that he could help the boy. He told him, "You're brave!" But a new task was added to their duty that same day.

Father had left his desk to come out to the aisles. He approached Jango and whispered something into his ear and departed. The boy could not hear what had been said, so he asked Jango, "What did father say?" Jango replied, "There is another task we have to do. It will require a lot of bravery. Do you think you can do it?" The boy, without hesitation, nodded with confidence.

The boy and Jango traveled to a distant part of the store. It was always abandoned and left empty. Jango approached a large wooden board, lifted it, and pushed it aside. As the board moved away from the wall, the boy saw what was behind the board. Complete darkness - black. It was as if the darkness could swallow you up, like a black hole. To the boy, it felt like a dungeon.

This dungeon was the entrance to a shaft that led down to an abandoned storage room. But the bottom was not visible without a flashlight. Jango and the boy stood there for a moment. All they heard was a deep echo coming from the, seemingly, bottomless shaft. You could even hear the howling of the wind coming from below. Jango began to board the lift, but the boy stopped him.

"I can't go down there," said the boy. "I'm not brave enough for this duty." Jango turned to face the boy and said to him, "Okay then. We'll train like we did these past few months!" The boy was a doubtful, but agreed.

The two began training as before for a few weeks, but something unexpected occurred. On a random day, Jango approached the boy with a troubled look. He said, "I won't be able to work here anymore. I'm moving away." The boy replied, "How am I going to become brave enough to fulfill my duty?"

Jango kelt down and told the the boy, "You don't need my help to achieve your bravery. I've only been encouraging you, but you've done all the work yourself. You only need to encourage yourself, and then you will achieve it." Just like that, Jango left. And the boy was by himself.

A month went by, and the boy trained alone during that time. Finally, he felt ready to fulfill his duty. He slowly approached the entrance to the dungeon. With each step, he felt his heart race faster and faster. When he stood at the foot of the darkness, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. He proceeded to tell himself, "You're brave." With that, he took a step into the darkness.

If you've reached the end, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this random story.

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2016: Questions and Expectations

If you read my last post, you'll know that I receive a random verse for each year. So I wanted to share the verse, a personal interpretation, and a speculation for the year. Also, I wonder how this post will be different from what actually happens at the end of the year.

"The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing." - Psalm 34:10

This verse made no sense to me when I first read it. And it made no sense after I read it for the 20th time. It was so vague, out of context, random, etc. But something magically clicked for me a few days later.

For those of you who follow me on snapchat (misterjustinha - shameless plug), you know that I've been reading a lot over the break. I recently started the Chronicles of Narnia series. My cousin bought the entire set for me when I was in middle school, and I've finally decided to read it -- whoops!

In the first book, Aslan is introduced. He's a lion, and characterized as "God" who is the ruler over Narnia -- a land filled with living animals who are personified as human beings. It got me thinking about the characteristics of the lion. In most cultures, Lions are known as the "King of Beasts/Jungle". It's the best of all the land. No animal is greater than it.

So I went back to the verse. Even the "greatest" in the animal kingdom can become weak. It's life still depends on the existence of an ecosystem. If the ecosystem fails, even the greatest animal becomes weak and helpless. It's the same for us! No matter who we look to, everyone is at the mercy of life. Life is unpredictable. Sicknesses can happen. Economies can fail. Natural disasters can occur. And there's nothing we can do to completely control these things -- not the strongest person, smartest person, or richest person.

But there's one being who can completely control these things. And if you seek Him first, then you'll be sustained with al that is necessary. It may not be what you WANT. But it will, for sure, be what you need.

I learned that trusting in Him clears up all confusion. This year, it seems like He wants to teach me to depend on Him to sustain everything in life. Everything seems to be laid out for me: an internship for the spring, a potential program in LA (if not, summer school), and a final year at UT. Now I have to chase after Him, and leave the rest of this up to Him. I wonder what will happen.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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It's That Time of The Year Again...

When we all reminisce on the past calendar year and think about new goals for the following one. So here goes nothing!

Quick story that I've probably already told in an older post:

Every year, I always have New Year's Eve service at church with my parents. I've been doing the same thing for the past 21 years. We always have short service at church, do the countdown, and wish everyone blessings for the new year. But for the past 4 years, we've started a new tradition. We pick a random bible verse from a box filled with random scripture.

Now, I know what you're thinking (maybe?). "Isn't that kind of non-Christian -- to put your upcoming year's fate into drawing a random verse? Isn't that like... blasphemous sort of?" And yeah, I can understand how this may seem a bit strange. But I think it depends on the mindset that you have.

See, I don't go in thinking that the verse I receive is a prophesy from God that I must fulfill as my destiny. I see it as just another verse to mediate upon for the coming year. In my opinion, it's about the motive and intention you have as you're going through the process.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

I think overall, I can say that I've learned this: you can't sustain yourself in this life because life is too unpredictable. But if you put Christ at the center of all you do, amazing things will happen in His time. But it's definitely not easy.

There were moments throughout the year where I thought I was trusting in God, but I actually wasn't. And there were moments where I refused to trust in God and relied on myself. All of these moments ended poorly. But I think I've learned my lesson! And He's rewarded me in ways I couldn't have imagined.

He's made my paths more straight. But it seems like there's a fork in the road. Each path is clear -- in which I give thanks. However, I now wait for a door to open. I wonder which door will open in 2016.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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Read Read Read

I hate reading. Well, I used to hate it. Ever since I was a kid, my parents made me do those summer reading list things. And the selection of novels were terrible. I hated every book I picked up. To me, the stories were never interesting. I don't remember exactly what made them unappealing. Of course, there were a few exceptions. I thoroughly enjoyed A Series of Unfortunate Events. And you can maybe include some school assigned readings such as Huckleberry Finn, Lord of the Flies, and To Kill a Mockingbird. But I just thought that books, in general, were stupid and useless.

"Well -- young Justin --  I will finally admit that I enjoy reading. So go read and be cultured. Stop wasting time doing nothing."

I'm trying to read a lot before I start my internship at EY. It'll be the "busy season" which means working overtime every week. Which means less leisure time. Which means less reading time. Which means -- you get the point.

I just finished reading The Blind Side by Michael Lewis. It's a solid book. And I am now more educated about the history of football -- YEAH SPORTS. And now, I've moved onto The Artisan Soul by Erwin Raphael McManus. Shoutout to Joe Hur for the reference.

I just started the book, and it has already addressed so many thoughts I had in my head. If you remember my last post, I talked about being stuck in two worlds. I want to be creative. But being an accountant isn't the most creative profession out there. This book makes a unique statement about creativity and art.

I, like many of us, think that there are two types of people. (1) There are the "creative thinkers", and (2) there are the "unoriginal workers". For example, we all know that person who is really artsy. They just know how to make something more beautiful -- music, drawings, pictures, etc. Then there's us: #basic. The artists are those who make GREAT things while we make, at best, GOOD things.

By the way, I think we can all agree that there's this scale that great > good. "Great work" is better than "good work". Weird thing huh.

Since we'll never be able to do something original or great, we should just forget about being creative and go do something practical. That's the common belief we all have and the thing we're taught from society -- if you can't be GREAT, then forget about it.

But McManus thinks otherwise. Let's bring it back to Genesis 1. When God created each thing, He saw that it was GOOD. It doesn't say GREAT, it says GOOD. And when God created us in His image, He saw that it was VERY GOOD -- still not GREAT. So why do we think that our work must be GREAT in order to be acceptable? God's work was good because He is good.

"Great is about execution and achievement; good is about essence and ethos" - Erwin Raphael McManus

We tend to focus on GREAT rather than GOOD because we want acknowledgement. We want fame, status, recognition. But what does God do? He focused on what is GOOD. He focuses on the essence of who He is and the essence of what is inherent in his work. Shouldn't we do the same? If we are created in His image, then we are to imitate Him -- who is Christ. You don't have to do great things to be an artist. It's about your intention and the purpose you put behind your work. You don't need recognition from others. You just need recognition from Him.

I'm going to stretch this a bit farther and make this argument. Why strive to achieve something great when the greatest thing has already been given to us? We have everything in Christ. We are seated in the highest position possible -- next to the right hand of God in Christ. So let's focus on creating the essence of who made us in His image -- goodness.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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Stuck Between Two Worlds

I'm stuck between two worlds. And I don't know exactly where I belong. Of course, I'm stuck in a world that I'm not necessarily a part of. Because we know that we're IN this world, but not OF it. But this isn't the dilemma I'm talking about.

Let me explain . I'm a business major. But I'm also passionate about being creative through writing, photography, film, etc. And I can't quite fit into either group completely.

For example, I'm not the brightest business student. Sure, I can do accounting. It's pretty simple if you put the effort into learning it. But I'm not necessarily a "business" person. I'm not obsessed with the stock market. I don't really keep up with business news 24/7 like other students. I don't live and breathe business.

On the other hand, I'm not the most creative person. Hence, that's why I'm a business major. I think I know how to appreciate creativity. But I lack originality. I always wonder how artists think of ideas. It takes me forever to think of something. And when I do, it's probably not that original. Therefore, I'm an average "creative-ist" (if that's even a word).

So I'm stuck between two worlds: business and art. And I like to believe that I'm a bit above average in both. But I'm not excellent in either. I see how dull businesses are and the potential of how great they can be if it can embrace creativity. And I see how much creative people need structure and logical order to work more effectively.

I wonder if He will create a space for me to fit in. I'm stuck between two worlds.

Brian || Taylor || Hnou || Xing || Judy || Esther || Josh || Jenine

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